Relationships are not easy and statistics confirm the struggle many couples face in keeping their marriage or partnership intact since the current U.S. divorce rate is almost 42% for first marriages and even higher for second marriages. Faced with these realities, many couples turn to marriage counseling for help, but even traditional therapy doesn’t guarantee success and almost 25% of the couples who seek help still end up separating or divorcing.
Rod Jeter understands the challenges marriages face all too well. He is now a Couples Coach, but he and his wife were once kicked out of marriage counseling after a few sessions because, as he admits, he was being stubborn. However, the experience motivated him to find a better way to help couples resolve their relationship problems without arguing, see results faster, and stay together. As a result, he developed the YBAngry Couples Game, a gamified system now available as an app that guides partners through exercises that encourage active listening and empathy so issues are resolved in minutes instead of months, years, or maybe never.
“It’s couples coaching with instant results since it creates a safe space where both partners, or players, can talk about issues while providing a structure that forces them to hear each other instead of letting arguments escalate,” Jeter explains. “When they play the game, they both feel better because they both feel heard and that’s when resolution happens.”
Jeter emphasizes that couples must follow a few essential ground rules for the YBAngry Couples Game App to be effective, “The most important part of resolution is honesty and both partners must want the relationship to work. It’s not the kind of game you can win by yourself. The relationship has to win, or you both lose,” he says. “One of the partners must also be the ‘subject of the issue,’ meaning they can directly fix or resolve the problem. Finally, both players must have a mutual interest, without selfish intent, toward resolution.” He has the following three guidelines to help couples resolve issues without arguing.
1. Don’t try to resolve a disagreement in the heat of the moment. One of the biggest mistakes couples make is trying to solve problems while emotions are running high. Anger clouds judgment and partners tend to become defensive and lash out, which only worsens the situation. Jeter explains, “The ‘issue’ is the problem, not your partner. When you and your partner are playing on the same team, no one feels attacked and no one responds defensively. Your partner can actually hear you. This is why, when asked, ‘Why after so many years were you able to resolve this issue in just a few minutes?’ Often the response is, ‘I feel heard.'”
2. It is important that both partners agree to discuss the issue. Both must be invested in finding a solution to the problem. Jeter says that playing the game helps guide couples through the process to get what they need from their spouse without arguing, “It reduces defensiveness and makes the conversation feel more playful and less confrontational. There’s such a difference between saying, ‘We need to talk,’ versus ‘let’s play the game.’ By the end of the interaction, both partners always feel relieved and positive, no matter how difficult the issue may have been.”
3. Be specific and focus on one issue at a time. Another common mistake couples make is overwhelming their partner by bringing up multiple issues at once. Tackling too many problems in one conversation can make the discussion feel chaotic and cause frustration for both parties. Jeter advises couples to zero in on one issue at a time. “When you focus on one specific issue, you create a manageable conversation. This increases the chances of resolution because both parties can stay on track,” he says. The game approach is designed to help guide couples through this process by providing prompts that keep the conversation focused. Rather than rehashing a laundry list of complaints, the app encourages players to be specific and address one issue at a time.”
Available for free download at the Apple App Store or the Google Play Store (be sure to put “YBAngry” in quotes when searching Google Play) with paid options for added features, the YBAngry Couples Game app offers an affordable solution to marriage counseling that allows couples access to get help whenever they need it, without the constraints of weekly sessions. Through interactive videos, the app has a structured approach that helps couples work through disagreements when they’re emotionally ready, rather than in the heat of the moment and allows them to schedule times for important discussions to avoid arguments at the wrong time.
Rod Jeter is a TEDx Speaker and Couples Coach who has revolutionized relationship conflict resolution with his game approach, designed to help couples settle disagreements quickly. He is the author of the Amazon bestseller YBAngry: How to Settle Any Disagreement with the One You Love in Just Minutes and inventor of the YBAngry Couples Game and App. With its 95% success rate in resolving issues, the app provides a viable alternative for couples who want to avoid the emotional and financial burden of separation or divorce, restore harmony to their relationship but may not have the time or resources for traditional counseling.
